sad..yesterday chatted with gor cuz he was very upset n felt very bad. as his didi i must listen to him bt somehow or rather he felt different to me. different in the sense of talking not like before n giving me a strange feeling. he told me why. he said dat 'we have our OWN LIFE TO LEAD.' ahem..i felt soo heartbroken cuz i realised how much ive intrude into his life n dat he finaly told me the reason. i knew he did nt wana tell me dat ive been too irritating n its onli my DARLING gor hu is able to accomadate me n understanding me. haiz..
everything felt soo wrong n i felt very bad cuz i did not dare tok much as im the CULPRIT of ALL his MISERIES! thought he didnt say it bt i can FEEL it! im HUMAN too ok? n i really felt bad to have been nt understanding enough. he said dat he was busy n hidden msg was :'im reallly busy bt u keep disturbing me'..how i knew? i sms him n said all this. n all he replied was : 'haiyo..dun mean to make u feel guilty..reli sorry..u said that u wil UNDERSTAND if im BUSY..haiz..im in CHURCH NW..'..where's the 'gor' at the end of the msg? no there was NONE! NVM!
n nw he reply me le.bt i dun wana see his msg! i DUN WAN! cos it will onli make me realise more PAINFUL TRUTH..truth which make me MORE GUILTY!..haiz..nvm..
i wonder if i shud continue to see him, sms him, tok to him..he is DEFINITELY STILL MY GOR..the same WONDERFUL gor :) ..bt if i wun tok to him, wil he FORGET ME? will he continue with his OWN LIFE? i duno..stil thinking..if i continue to be with him, i will onli ruin his OWN LIFE MORE N MORE N MORE!!! i dun wan him ta forget me cuz we are still brothers. somehow i feel dat he dun wan be my gor le..so SAD bt he was reluntant to say it..i think..think onli..hope its nt true!! sincerely HOPE!!..haiz..CAN U SEE THIS? hahahs..
lets nt tok about this anymore shall we? forget everything shall we? i dun noe..i really dun noe..its the first time when im really SOO hapi to have a WONDERFUL gor ! :) i tok we chud be VERY HAPPY as REAL BROTHERS!! haiz...nvm..lets tok bout sth else shall we? gor muz tagg kae?
u dun deserve my letter as u dun wan it..i told him i might choose dex over him ..cos dex really is SO MUCH FREE-ER N he shares same interest with me..nt saying dat GOR is not gd..really..n dex is easier to tok to..hahhas..hmm i really dun noe..BT I STILL WAN MY GOR! NT EVER GONA LEAVE HIM OR BREAK BROTHERHOOD WITH HIM! REALLY..lets treat this like nth happen n be bak to normal shall we? frm 11.59, Sunday, onwards..i will nvr approach u, sms u, call u ..might write letter..n chat on msn.dats the onli two ways we as brothers can communicate..hahha..pls sms when u read this can? the last sms u will send me? thks im really grateful for it! :) ..i promise i wun cry for u anymore n pls dun cry for me? can ? sori im really am SORRY...
n i wll wana dedicate a song fr u..frm my fave high school musical..will be counting the number of days u nvr tok to me. i will. n msn. hahhs.
'When There was Me n You'
Its funny when you find yourself
Looking from the outside
Im standing here
But all i want is to be over there
Why did i let myself BELIEVE
MIRACLES COULD HAPPEN
'Cause now i have to pretend
That i don't really care
I thought you were my FAIRYTALE
My dream when i'm not sleeping
A wish upon a star that's coming true
But everyone else could tell
That i confused my feelings with the truth
When there was ME AND YOU
I swore i knew the melody
That i heard you singing
And when smiled
You made me feel
Like i could sing along
But then you WENT and CHANGED THE WORDS
Now my heart is EMPTY
I'm only left with used-to-be's
And once upon a song
I know you're not a fairytale
And dreams are meant for sleeping
And wishes on a star
Just don't come true
'Cause now even i can tell
That i confused my feelings with the truth
Because I liked the view
When there was ME AND YOU
I CAN'T BELIEVE that i could be SO BLIND
It's like you were floating
While i was falling
And I didnt mind
Because i LIKED THE VIEW
I thought U FELT IT TOO
WHEN THERE WAS ME AND YOU...
BYEZ..SMS ME KAEZ?